The Illusion of Control: Why Surrender Unlocks True Manifestation

Bre Brown
Sep 22
6 min read

Hello my beautiful souls!

Welcome back to the Modern Manifestation blog. Feel free to listen in to today's topic in the podcast.

Today, I want to talk about something that comes up for nearly everyone in our journey to build the lives we want through manifestation: control. Or, the need for control. It’s this need that gets so many of us tangled up on the manifestation path. And if I’m honest? I’m the worst culprit.

The really ugly side of manifestation is that it gives anyone that’s a perfectionist (and I’m pointing to myself here), the ability to feel like we can finally control every aspect of our life. We can start manifesting our own personal check list. New job? Manifest it. New house? Manifest it. Boyfriend? Manifest it. Before you know it, manifestation starts to feel like a cosmic shopping list. And if you’re anything like me, you might start off saying you want things like alignment, attracting what is similar, or allowing…. But that’s what we really want (or at least, that’s not what I really wanted). I wanted (and still want) control. Control over my life. Control over how other people show up. Control over the outcomes we get.

There’s no flexibility. You want to manifest THAT SPECIFIC job. You want to manifest THAT SPECIFIC GUY. Like these are a la carte options we can pre-determine and we just need to use manifestation to get us these things. I used to believe you could use manifestation in this way. But time and experience has taught me that the universe knows better than I do. And don’t confuse this with clarity. Clarity is important. A clear vision of how you want to feel in an important part of the experience. But clarity does not mean specificity, inflexibility.

We start learning about the law of attraction and suddenly think: Finally! I’ve found the formula to dictate my life. But manifestation isn’t a tool for control—it’s a co-creation process.

You can never achieve ABSOLUTE control. We can influence, but we cannot conquer, we cannot force.

And I get it. This desire is usually what draws people to manifestation in the first place. We want to feel like we finally have the steering wheel in our hands. But, there comes a time when we need to start to release this need and relax into allowing. In the words of Carrie Underwood, “Jesus take the wheel!”, or rather “Universe take the wheel!”.

Abraham Hicks talks about this often: manifestation isn’t about control—it’s about allowing. Allowing the universe to deliver in ways we could never have orchestrated ourselves. If we are constantly trying to narrate what happens in our lives, we do not leave room for spontaneity. For the beautiful expression of synchronicities.

This is the next step. This is something I’m actively trying to work on for myself. And this practice of letting go is very uncomfortable because you might feel too passive. Or, you might wonder if things won’t turn out the way you want them to if you’re not constantly wrangling for control. But the reality is, is that it might not anyway! In fact, trying to force something could be the reason you’re not getting it. It’s the manifestation paradox. At least if you’re coming from a place of peace, happiness, and joy, you have a much better chance of things working out in your favor.

When we’re trying to control every detail, every variable, every outcome—we choke off the flow of energy. Trying to force one outcome over another.

Force creates resistance. Trying to force an outcome could be the very thing preventing it.

Allow instead of force. It’s a very different energy.

Allowing doesn’t mean sitting back passively and doing nothing. It means aligning your energy so clearly with what you want that you trust the universe to fill in the details. It means softening your grip. Surrendering your timeline. Releasing the “how.” Knowing that every atom of your being is resonating so consistently with who you are and what you want, that any opportunity that comes your way can’t help but be another tool to help you get there.

Last weekend I finished a book by Michael Singer called, “The Surrender Experiment” where he describes how he stopped resisting what life had to offer, altogether. At one point, he even let someone build a house on his land without his permission—then helped them do it! Later, that house became the foundation for his yoga community. His point? When you surrender, life unfolds more magically than you could ever plan.

Singer let go and let life unfold without interference—and the more he surrendered—the more magical his life became. He didn’t need to control, because he trusted. And that trust created expansion.

Control is our false belief that we know best. And when our reality isn’t reflecting what we think it should, we experience negative emotions like frustration, impatience, jealousy. You thought the job would come faster. You thought the partner would already be here. You thought the money would have shown up by now.

Here’s an analogy: Imagine a river. When you’re allowing, you’re floating downstream—supported, carried, relaxed. When you’re controlling, you’re paddling upstream, exhausted, frustrated, and wondering why it’s so hard. Let go and allow.

A personal example of this is my own experience in sales. The more I try to force outcomes, the less I succeed at what I do. The years I’ve made the most money are almost always the years when I say, “I’m just going to show up authentically and keep taking the right actions”.

So let’s reframe manifestation.

It’s not about micromanaging every detail. It’s about becoming the energetic match for what you want, then trusting the details to unfold. When you’re aligned, you don’t have to obsess over the how, when, or who. Those answers come to you—often in ways more magical than you could have planned. So let go of the rest and focus on your internal state.

You’re not the CEO of the entire universe—you’re the vessel through which possibility flows.

Eckhart Tolle would put it this way: the more we resist the present moment, the more we suffer. Trying to force an outcome will only delay it.

So, what if instead of griping onto specific ideas for our lives, we just focus on getting our energy there? What if we could release the need to manipulate outcomes and instead focus on how we feel in the now? Because how we feel and who we’re being—that vibration—is what truly controls our lives.

When you stop trying to force outcomes, things actually start falling into place. The paradox of this concept is that you control the outcome better, by releasing control.

The partner shows up when you’re no longer obsessing about being alone. The money flows when you’re no longer panicking about bills. The opportunity arises when you’ve released the pressure of needing it.

When you’re in a state of allowing, you become an open channel. Force is an illusion that keeps you from fully allowing.

So, how do we practice this?

Awareness. Notice when you’re trying to force something. Catch yourself when you’re forcing outcomes, overanalyzing timelines, or micromanaging the universe.
Soften. Ask yourself: “What would happen if I allowed this to unfold instead of pushing?” Then consciously relax your body, your breath, your energy because relaxation shifts your energy faster than overthinking ever could.
Reframe. Instead of asking how or when, ask: “What’s the most aligned step I can take right now?” The universe loves aligned action—not frantic action.
Trust. This is the hardest part, but it’s everything. Trust that what you desire is on its way—and trust that the form it takes will serve you even better than your plan.

Remember, the universe has a much higher perspective than we do. What feels like loss might actually be redirection. What feels like a delay might actually be perfect timing.

I would know. I once had a traumatic accident happen in high school that redirected my entire life. For a year, I thought it was the worst thing ever. Years later, I can see that so many good things that I wanted in life wouldn’t have happened without it. I couldn’t see the full picture, but the Universe could.

If you’ve been feeling resistance, if you’ve been frustrated with manifestation, check in: where is control showing up? Where are you holding on with a death grip? What worries make your body tense up? And then, practice loosening your hold. Let life surprise you. Let the universe do its part.

The more we surrender, the more we receive.

Control is just an illusion. We never really had it. What we do have is choice: how we align, how we show up, how we respond.

The outcomes you’re craving don’t come by force. They come with releasing it. Allowing. So let this be your reminder: you don’t need a tighter grip. You need more trust. When you stop trying to manage the universe, you finally let the universe work its magic.

Thank you for hanging out with me today. I will catch you in the next post!

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