Why You Can't Manifest Money (And It Has Nothing to Do With Your Vision Board)

Hello my beautiful souls!

Welcome back to the Modern Manifestation blog. Feel free to listen in to today's topic in the podcast.

Let's be honest. Most of us have a complicated relationship with money. We want it, we chase it, we stress about it—and then when we actually get close to it, something pulls us back.

Today we're talking about why that happens, and what it actually takes to hold the energy for the money you want. And I promise you, it's not just about vision boards.

To hold the energy for the money you want, you have to be able to get to that energetic level, and then… you have to be able to keep yourself there. This means getting rid of past beliefs, emotional baggage, the judgement of others, their beliefs… anything that might surround your energy of money.

So many people in the manifestation space talk about the things you need to do to manifest the things that you want. It’s additive. But I think it’s more important to address the things you need to release to manifest the things you want. It’s more subtractive.

For me, this meant letting go of things like anger, resentment, judgement, self-doubt, irritation, frustration, etc. How many of us comingle these negative emotions with the idea of money? I’m willing to bet that it’s almost all of us, to some degree. And I’ll talk about how I did this, a bit later.

Or, maybe you call yourself a shopaholic? Frugal? Money savvy? Do you joke about “treating yourself” when you know something isn’t in alignment with where you are financially? All of these create narratives and identities we associate with money. Even if we’re not aware of the current identity we’re operating under, it’s running in the background.

As a kid, I can remember two times I was given cash for a special occasion around the ages of 8 and 12. Both times, I treated that money like it was the last I would ever see, so I held on to the cash I was given, meticulously trying to decide what to buy with it. Because in my mind, when would I ever see this kind of money again? I was so anxious about choosing the wrong thing, regretting my choice, and wasting the money. My concept of money at the time was extremely fragile. I couldn’t hold the energy of large amounts of wealth because my parents couldn’t and didn’t.

And you know what? My parents praised me for this scarce behavior. They called me mature, responsible, and rational. I was rewarded for adopting my dad’s scarcity mindset. I started associating frugality with being a good person. Good, kind, thoughtful people were frugal. In a way, I was pious about it. If a scarcity mindset was a religion, I would have considered myself extremely devout.

I’ve held onto this identity that “I’m frugal” for way too fucking long. For most of my adult life, I can confidently say that I thought being frugal meant that I was superior. Better than people who I considered frivolous with their money. I was more disciplined, more socially conscious, and more relatable.

I've talked about money mindset before. But I've never talked about this part—that I genuinely believed being frugal made me a better person than those who weren't. Ouch.

Wealthy people made me angry. How dare they have so much? How dare they be so entitled? How dare they exist with their wealth and their easy lives? I genuinely believed that to be wealthy or to come from wealth meant you were entitled, unkind, and selfish. Even lazy… because you didn’t have to work as hard as everyone else….

And my being frugal? Practically sainthood. Obviously I’m kidding because I am also an utter shit show.  I put frugality on a pedestal.

I know. These thoughts aren’t exactly a glowing recommendation for me. But, I didn’t start this blog to make myself sound good…

Subconsciously, frugality was doing something for me. It made me feel superior to that of the “out of touch” wealthy people around me. It was easier to look down my nose at them, thinking their life was just handed to them, than it was to address the pain I felt around not having that for myself.

In reality, I was frugal because I didn’t feel worthy of the money. I didn’t trust it would last. I was afraid what would happen if I did spend it—would the flood gates of spending open and never stop? Did wealth make me a bad person? A lesser person? Unkind or selfish?

All of these were beliefs I held at one time. Beliefs I needed to grow through.

While I was busy trying to “manifest wealth”, I wasn’t dealing with these deep wounds. How could I accumulate wealth while simultaneously judging those that had it? Why would my subconscious, my soul, allow me to have wealth if I genuinely thought it made me a bad person or less evolved in some way?

I want you to consider… have you ever caught yourself rolling your eyes at someone's success? Chalking it up to luck, privilege, or connections? Because I did. For years. And I called it being realistic, or worse… grounded. What I didn't realize was that I was protecting myself from wanting something I didn't believe I could have. I was telling myself they got lucky… it was their network that made them more. Not mine that made me less. If their success was external, my failure was too.

So, even when I’d made really good money for myself years later, I wasn’t holding the energy for it. I was still operating from the same energy I had as an 8 year old. Meticulously deciding what to spend money on and fearful that I wouldn’t ever get it back if I made a mistake.

I’d finally accumulated money, but I couldn’t spend it. You can accumulate wealth and still not be in alignment with it enough to make wise decisions with it.

And if this doesn’t resonate with you, maybe you’ve had trouble NOT spending your money? My not spending and someone else’s over spending are two sides of the same coin. They both show a lack of ability to hold space for wealth, for balance, for a healthy relationship with money—so we lose access to it. Ever heard of the millionaires next door that still eat beans and rice for dinner? It happens all the time. This is the inability to “have” the wealth they’ve accumulated. They may have the wealth physically, but they don’t have the “havingness” for the wealth spiritually.

These behaviors don’t just come from mindset blocks. For a lot of us, they originate from our wounds. Inherited beliefs from watching our parents fight about bills, or feeling like the kid who couldn't have what others had, or being told that wanting more was greedy. Maybe you were told that all wealthy individuals are corrupt. Maybe you grew up with wealth and witnessed the problems that came with it, so now you’re afraid to have it yourself. We carry the stories we tell ourselves into our adult lives and call them personality traits. I called mine frugality and claimed I was good with money… But ignoring it isn’t being good with money. And hyper focusing on it isn’t either.

When I finally saw it for what it was—a wound, not a personality trait—everything started to shift.

To be able to hold the energy of money, I had to work through layers upon layers of really shitty feelings—all of the emotions, beliefs, and stories I’d listed previously and more.

How did I release these emotions? We’re going to get into some woo woo shit, so get ready….

I grounded myself with the earth. I sat in meditation. I asked the feelings and beliefs related to having more wealth, or what can be called our “havingness” of wealth, to show up. And one by one, I sat in each emotion, story, or belief for minutes, hours, days… sitting with each one in meditation, observing the feeling, then allowing it to release from my energy and back into the earth, until it no longer felt heavy. Until holding the energy of abundance no longer coexisted with anxiety or doubt. Until holding the energy of abundance just felt…. Neutral, at first. And later on, it felt right. Good. For me. As natural and easy as breathing.

Healing isn’t linear—it’s a spiral.  

I want to be clear—this isn't a one-and-done exercise. Abundance blocks have layers. You'll think you've released something and then a new opportunity will show up and the anxiety will come back in a different form. That's not failure. That's the next layer asking to be seen. Keep going. This is where real fucking powerful growth comes from. Layer by layer, healing the parts of you that you no longer need to carry. To hold the energy of abundance, you have to release the pain behind it.

So, I want you to try a meditation exercise with me. This is a version of what I’ve done and can help you get started. Close your eyes — or don't, if you're driving. Imagine yourself tethered to the core of the earth with a very strong cord. It can be a rope, chain, water tornado, whatever you want. When you feel grounded, think about the amount of money you want to have. Not need. Want. Notice what comes up in your body. Is it excitement? Or does your heart hitch with anxiety right behind it? Or is it something like worry? Frustration? Guilt? A voice that says 'who do you think you are?' or ‘others can have it, but not you’. That critical voice is what we're working to release. And, it might even sound a lot like someone you grew up with. Sit with and observe what comes up for you for as long as you can. And if it feels like it wants to move, see if this energy is willing to exit your energy through the tether you’ve created. Can you wash the self-doubt down your chain and back into the earth? When you’re done, imagine your body is a bucket and start pouring golden light back into it. Once you feel re-energized, come out of the meditation and rest.

For all my type A girlies out there, don’t try to get to all the feelings at once. I’ve been there, tried that, trust me… it will be a mess. Start with ONE feeling that comes up—whichever one pops into your head first—and do this exercise as many times as it takes. You might sit with one feeling for days, months, years. But one day, you will feel ready to look at another. Then, you repeat. Don’t take this process too seriously, either. Find the joy and amusement in shifting the parts of you that no longer serve you. It will move quicker that way <3

For my Avatar the Last Air Bender friends… channel your inner Ang. It might feel like you have to save the world, but you will be more successful in your practice if you can find your childlike amusement in the letting go.

The journaling and the visualization and the wishing—they’re like seeds. They will eventually grow…. But only once you've cleared the weeds and prepped the soil they're meant to grow in.

The energy of abundance isn't something you have to create. It's something you uncover. It's already in you… buried under a lot of old stories that were never yours to keep. Do the work to release them, and you won't just attract more money. You'll finally feel like you deserve it. And that’s the fucking magic that changes everything.

Thank you for hanging out with me today. I will catch you in the next post!

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