How often do you take a moment to get to know yourself as much as you would a friend or partner? For most of us, not often.
As technology continues to dominate our lives, it’s become even more important for us to get to know ourselves better—to date ourselves.
Importance of Dating Yourself
When I talk about dating yourself, really the idea that I’m trying to instill is becoming comfortable with yourself.
And if you’re already a confident person I’m sure your thinking, “But I’m already comfortable with myself!” And if you’re really lucky, you mean it and genuinely love being you.
However, sometimes we say and think these things, and believe them intellectually, but our actions tell a different story.
And, dating yourself is an important growth factor for manifesting. You will be so much more successful manifesting the shit you want when you’re totally aligned and creating from a healthy mindset. And a healthy mindset is driven by self-worth. Self-love.
So what do I mean about the actions of someone who appreciates themselves? Well, if you checked out the last episode of this, you know that one of my answers to this is to date yourself! And I do mean this both literally and figuratively, by the way.
Dating yourself isn’t finding something to do to OCCUPY YOUR MIND. That is the exact opposite of what we want. We want self-exploration during this time.
How often do you schedule time with yourself? I’m not talking about watching Netflix, scrolling social media, or any other passive time. I’m talking about intentionally scheduling QUALITY time with yourself. Creating space to check-in, get to know yourself better, re-assess what’s working, and what isn’t in your life.
When you date someone else, you spend a lot of time going through this process, so you already know what to do intuitively. And you will spend more time with yourself in this life than you ever will with any partner, yet we typically don’t make time to get to know the current version of us. Not who we were last month, last year, last decade.... who have you GROWN to be... in this moment? How well do you know yourself AND how much do you love yourself?
Your ability to date yourself speaks volumes to your feelings of self-worth as well as your confidence. And, taking this a step further, can you step into the vulnerability of dating yourself in public? That’s the really tricky one. Can you comfortably be with just yourself without distractions? Without the ego telling you that you look like a loser? Oh I know, these thoughts have sat with me before.
Can you take yourself to dinner and enjoy it? Or, even better (and harder), can you treat yourself to a solo traveling experience? I won’t go back into my story since I covered it in the last dating yourself episode, but when I backpacked Europe alone, I painfully and vulnerably FELL INTO dating myself. I was forced, but it was such an experience of growth for me. It allowed me to ask some deep questions:
How are my energy levels right now? How do they change throughout the day when people aren’t around to influence them? What does my body need when I’m not putting it’s needs aside to take care of other people? That’s a big one for the mommas out there.
Who are you when you’re alone? When I didn’t know anyone in the country.... who do I want to be? What is my identity? My REAL identity? Because when you’re constantly around people, the identity you hold in their minds contribute to how you act around them. When all of that is stripped away.... you really have to know YOU.
This deep level of connection with yourself is where real, lasting growth takes place. When you start to get to know yourself at this level, you start unlocking a whole new level of authenticity in your life which makes you more wholly aligned, which helps you create from a place that will manifest the wonderful things you want. But you have to WANT to get to know you, this well. You have to want to work through the parts of yourself that you don’t like. Maybe it’s your confidence issues, jealousy, emotional suppression, past bullying, procrastination, maybe you start to uncover things you really want that scare you. Maybe you want out of your marriage, out of your career, out of your current identity. Who are you and who do you want to be?
This is tough stuff ladies. It’s the work that really matters.
Obviously, you don’t have to travel to experience this. You can take yourself to dinner, to a park, to the beach.... but make sure you bring a journal. I find that writing things down allows things to surface that my conscious brain keeps pushed down. Try writing a pout yourself until you’re just going and you enter into the unconscious stream of thoughts. Don’t worry if it doesn’t make sense, if it’s not legible, if you don’t really believe what you’re writing.... Write down the things you notice about yourself. All, of the things.... not just the pretty things.
Journal about the person you want to become. Notice what you want and crave when it’s just you. Notice what thought patterns you have, how you tend to talk to yourself internally, what is that dialogue like? Date yourself to get to know you.
And like I said earlier, while practicing this, at first your ego will resist. Just let go of the negative thoughts it will introduce. When you go through this exercise, you really start to transform. And your ego doesn’t like change. It resists what is unknown... it wants you to stay where you are.
So let these egotistical thoughts go. Don’t worry about what others think as you sit by yourself. Don’t worry about who thinks what when you’re spending time alone. It’s okay to take care of yourself.
The purpose of dating yourself is to learn what you need to be healthy and happy. Unfortunately, when we’re always surrounded by others OR we’re constantly stimulated by technology, you don’t allow yourself to do this.
We need to spend more time getting to know ourselves, consistently. Do this regularly. When can you make time each week?
Use this time to figure things out. If you’re struggling with your dating life.... sit with yourself and figure out what your energy is. The energy of the people you’re dating. What patterns do you notice? What do you like and not like about past partners? What did you like about yourself? What didn’t you like about yourself? What can you do differently in the next relationship? What are your values? What do you need in a partner? What part did you play in ending your past relationships? How could you have responded or acted better?
Use this time to ask the questions you normally don’t sit with. I mean REALLY sit with. Go deeper than you normally allow time and mental bandwidth for.
What about you scares you? How does your body feel? What recharges you? What drains you?
Dating yourself is less about how you can distract yourself. It’s about getting rid of the distractions. It’s about finding out who you are when you strip away the layers of other people’s expectations. It’s about finding out who you are at your core when the lights are all off.
Meet her, know her, begin to love her. She’s your biggest fan and your route to manifesting everything you want.
Have a fantastic rest of your week, and I will catch y’all next Monday. Until then, go out there and manifest some miracles.
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