Updated: Sep 26, 2020
Today, I want to talk about a HUGE manifestation block… Negative energy stemming from things you’re avoiding.
As I’ve mentioned before, manifestation is about who you are and the energy that you have, attracting to you what you want. To have the life you want, you have to get on the same frequency of your dreams before they will materialize. A lot of people will begin to think the thoughts and work to become an energetically more positive person, but things they’re procrastinating are weighing them and their desires, down.
When you hold onto the dread of “what it is you should be doing” or “things you need to get done that you don’t want to do” you’re holding onto the negative energy of that resistance and allowing it to accumulate. This negative resistance will keep you from becoming the highest version of yourself that can manifest whatever you want. If you consistently allow yourself to focus on even a handful of things that you’re not doing, how can you be on a positive frequency that is attracting your ideal life?
So my message for you today is this… do one thing everyday that scares you. I repeat, do one thing, everyday, that scares you.
And, for the record, I do not mean scare like spooky (I know we’re coming up on Halloween next month)! I’m talking about things that cause you anxiety. Anxiety is one of the biggest manifestation downfalls. And you know what really feeds anxiety? Procrastination and “shoulding” all over yourself. It is like my therapist always says, remove the word “should” from your vocabulary. Either make a conscious decision to do something, or to not do something, as long as you remove the guilt of the “should”. And, thinking about what you “should be doing” is making a decision… it is making a decision to prolong your suffering.
A huge part of manifestation is your identity (and if you haven’t caught my podcast on what manifestation is, check it out). In order to become a master manifestor, you need to embody the identify of someone who knows that they want, takes care of their responsibilities, and says no to the things they know will not bring them joy.
So, knowing this, let’s put a plan together to help eliminate some of life’s stressors so that you can become a manifestation machine. Stop whatever it is that you’re multitasking while listening in (no judgement, I tune into podcasts while I’m driving and getting ready too) and grab a pen and paper! And if you are driving, make sure you do this as soon as you reach your destination safely.
Think about all of the things that cause stress for you throughout the day, week, month, or year. What are these things? Are these things that are reoccurring? Annual? A one-time thing?
I want you to spend a lot of time on this list so that it is as exhaustive as it can possibly be. List every.single.thing that causes you anxiety, stress, dread, or causes you to procrastinate. When I first did this exercise, my list was HUGE. I’ll give you some examples from my list when I first did this:
My list included: A break-up with a toxic friend, paying bills, grocery shopping, setting boundaries with a parent, tidying up a messy drawer, fixing a squeaky door, touching up the paint on a chipped doorway, etc.
This list does not have to consist of only life-altering things that cause anxiety. I do not want this list to only have the big over whelming to-dos that you’ve been putting off for years. I want this list to be comprehensive so it includes all of the little things that bug you also. Like I’ve mentioned before, these little negative interactions add up.
Now that you have these anxiety-causing things written down, break it up into 3 lists:
1. Reoccurring things you can outsource
2. Things you will do at a set time
3. Big challenges that will create major life changes
Look at this list with today’s motto in mind…doing one thing…every day… that scares you. Aim to make progress on a task that falls on one of these lists, every day. If it is something you outsource, make sure it is setup. If it is something you do at a set time, ensure you stick to that time (maybe its meditating for 5 minutes every morning or meal prepping on Sundays). If it is a major life challenge, try journaling about the outcome, reach out to a coach to discuss the issue, or even go for it and have the tough conversation you’ve been avoiding if you already know what you need to do.
I’ve given you a quick intro to these lists already, but let’s jump into each list specifically anyway
Things you can outsource
Outsourcing trivial tasks was a game changer for me. I didn’t realize how heavily the burden of certain tasks were weighing on me until I decided to let them go. As an example, Evan and I dreaded grocery shopping, getting our cars washed, and cleaning the house. While these are trivial tasks that I know we could easily do, factoring them into our schedules every week or month was exhausting, and I hated doing it. Every time I thought about what I “should” be doing, I was adding negative energy to my life AND taking away time that I could be using to decompress or relax. These trivial tasks do more damage to our manifestation abilities than we realize because you’re not only adding to the negativity with the “shoulding”, but you’re denying the positivity that you could have taken its place.
So when I sat down and looked at this list, I made the decision to delegate a lot these tasks to third parties. While I was worried about the money aspect at first as a younger woman, I quickly realized that I gained so much more time back that allowed me to focus on work, get creative, stay in a positive space, and thus manifest the things I wanted through inspired action.
Not only did I gain time back from actually doing the task, but I gained so much time back mentally. I no longer had to keep thinking about scheduling time to do any of these tasks. Time is your most valuable commodity and it is the ONE thing you can never get back, so put a price on your cost per hour and decide whether or not its actually less expensive for you to outsource. If you struggle with this concept because you also come from a family of DIY'ers, tally up how much you make an hour at work and start there. And, do not cut yourself short. If you do not believe your time to be valuable, babe, see me for some coaching because you are so fucking worthy, and I want you to know that.
Using the cleaning example, not only do I feel amazing walking into a clean house that I did not have to touch, but I can’t help but feel so grateful, appreciative, and abundant every time I do. The space feels amazing energetically, there isn’t a nagging thought to get to any cleaning, and I have time given back to me to use in whatever way I feel will benefit me the most—whether I use it to relax, refresh, or work on my business. Whatever I do, it is my choice to utilize that time as I see fit. How fucking empowering is that?!
Let’s jump into that second list
Things you will do at a set time
Once you’ve decided all of the things that you can outsource, take a look and see what is left. It may not be in alignment for you to outsource everything (yet). These might be things like balancing your checking account or paying your bills, working out, meditating, or fixing that damn squeaky door. Anything that you can set a specific time to address.
In order to ensure that you do not procrastinate, SCHEDULE these to-dos into your calendar and turn on your reminders. As an example, I have calendar reminders that go off a week before my niece and nephews birthdays so that I remember to order their gifts. Not only do I create this calendar reminder, but I also include a link to kids toys on Amazon within my reminder so it’s easy to open up, purchase, and send. I set this reminder ONE TIME, and I don’t have to think about it again. And I do this because it’s so easy to add one more thing to mentally exhaustive list of “things I need to do”. Scheduling a task so that it is no longer something to add to your mental load will relieve so much additional stress. I also do this for things like cleaning out my purse every month, backing up my computer, cleansing my home, checking in with a friend once a week, etc. You can schedule just about everything….I know this sounds robotic, but it honestly helps me be a better person too because then I’m not putting off the things I want to do, or should do, for 6 months or longer.
Once you’ve scheduled the task, do not allow yourself to miss an appointment. If you remember from my Dating Yourself podcast, sticking to the commitments you make to yourself is an act of self-love. Set reminders, make sure it isn’t likely to be rescheduled (i.e. first thing in the morning or on the weekend), and when the time comes to handle the task—do not think about it. Just do it. Remember Mel Robbin’s ‘5 Second Rule’ we talked about in a previous podcast? Count to 5 and start before your brain begins to talk you out of it.
Big challenges that will create major life changes
These are the really tough things. This list consists of things you know you need to do, but so far you haven’t made an effort to do them. Many times, this is the list of things that you haven’t even tried to accomplish even though you think about it all the time. These are also the things that, if left unaddressed for a while, tend to cause chronic pain and inflammation which can lead to things like lower back pain, anxiety attacks, auto-immune disorders…Side note: if you haven’t read John Sarno’s book called Healing Back Pain, check out the show notes below for a link (I was not paid to plug or link!). This ended decades of lower back pain for me, so if you struggle with this also, I highly recommend you check it out.
Maybe this list has things that you’re afraid to do because you don’t want to fail, or you don’t want to be vulnerable, or maybe it is a much harder objective like it challenges your limiting beliefs and identity. It could be setting boundaries with a parent, divorcing a toxic partner, or leaving a job without a safety net. This is a much heavier list.
Do not plan to knock this list out in a week, a month, or even a year (unlike the other two lists). These “tasks” cannot be checked off easily and will take time to address appropriately. You will also need to sit back and gain clarity on how YOU want the situation resolved. When addressing “the how” to tackle this list, I always, always, always recommend you include a coach or a therapist in your thought process. Allow a third party to help you navigate what it is you really want so you can take appropriate steps to navigate the situation appropriately. The last thing you want is to get down the road “handling” a situation, only to realize that the outcome you’re getting to is not what you want… all because you never began with clarity.
For me, my list consisted of things like breaking up with a toxic friend, setting boundaries with a parent, and sticking to a healthy lifestyle. As I’ve done a lot of work on myself over the years, breaking up with the toxic friend was the easiest to tackle….and it still royally sucked. Don’t get me wrong, it was still difficult but it was the easiest, hard thing, to do. This was a friend that I’ve known since I was 4 years old, she was in my wedding, we were roommates at one point, and had so much shared history. So when deciding how to move forward to address this situation, I thought about what the ideal outcome would look like. The only things I could think of that would mend the relationship were addressing her toxic victim mindset, which I could not change, or accepting who she was, which I could not do. Accepting who she was meant that I would have to compromise my values and at times, my boundaries, so I decided this was a relationship I needed to let go. It was toxic, and it was no longer serving me, but it was still tough.
Like many women, for most of my life, I held the identity of someone who hates confrontation, so addressing this break-up head on was a challenge. However, you do not have to give the other person a response in a break up AND this is not the same as ghosting. As long as you are clear about what you want or do not want, you are not ghosting. I think this is an important distinction in today’s world. I DO NOT condone ghosting. Admittedly, I did it in my early 20s and I’m so sorry for the people who were on the other side of my shame. I did not know how to have tough conversations or handle the emotions of one, so I avoided the conversation all together. That being said, a clear good-bye and a boundary, explanation or not, is all you need to do in a situation like a break-up. When I broke up with my friend, I stated that I did not want a relationship going forward and that I will no longer respond to communications. I stated what I wanted, and I set my boundary. Now all I need to do is continue to enforce my boundary. If she ever reaches back out, I need to hold firm to my boundary unless my wants change.
To be clear I have not tackled everything on this last list for myself. As I mentioned, some of these things will take years and I strongly recommend you work through the “how” of your issue with a coach or therapist. For me, I’ve worked on “the how” with my therapist to gain clarity on my wants for my relationships with my parents. At first, I came to her with a checklist and a plan for her stamp of approval, and instead, all I got was an unbiased party looking at my plan and poking holes in it! I had created a plan and a strategy to address this issue in my life that couldn’t get to the root of what I really wanted, so I would have spent so much time having tough conversations that wouldn’t lead where I wanted it to. And it’s funny… because I do clarity sessions for clients all the time, but it can be so challenging to do this for yourself when you’re so close to the situation—this is why even coaches, need coaches!
When my therapist and I sat down and really drilled into my values and my wants for my relationship with my parents, I realized that I was always taught that family is everything….you are blindly loyal to and prioritize your family above all others. It probably doesn’t surprise you that my family does not have any boundaries, so trust is constantly broken, expectations are not managed, and negative drama is always to be expected at family functions.
These rigid family beliefs that I was taught do not align with my current life or my values of authenticity, trust, and kindness. I can no longer blindly visit my parents for the holidays or for major life events “just because that is what family does”. And by the way, this has been a very painful realization because I have had a set of conflicting beliefs that have caused a lot of anxiety for me as a result of the contrast. On the one hand, I have this limiting belief that I need to put my own needs aside in order to appease the family, but on the other hand, I’m rebuilding my belief system that is centered around the values I mentioned earlier. And, I cannot do both… at this time.
If I am authentic and true to myself, which is where I need to be to manifest, then I won’t do things that cause me emotional stress and unhappiness… like visiting my parents or indulging their habits. Before I began this self-work, the visits with my parents only reinforced my resentment and apathy—and this felt horrible. I want to get to a point where these relationships do not strain me the same way so that I can enjoy my visits. Before I can get there, I need to focus on continuously getting clarity, setting boundaries, and reinforcing them until we can rebuild our trust. And, I will need to do a lot of internal work to heal my pain and offer them forgiveness before we can have a strong relationship.
I share these vulnerable stories with you so that you can see that this list will take the most work from you, but it is THE MOST REWARDING to accomplish. I know that sounds like such a cliché, but it is sooo fucking true. This is the list of things you need to tackle that impacts your health, your identity, and ultimately, your ability to manifest. Allow yourself the opportunity to shed the remaining emotional baggage that is holding you back. What are these big things that you have allowed to fester and cause you anxiety? What do you need to accomplish to get to a place where this no longer causes a negative reaction in you? Start there and journal on it. I can’t say this enough… journal, journal, journal. Y’all, I hated journaling and resisted it for so long…. But my biggest life breakthroughs have come from journaling, so I now make it a priority. Although, it is still something I have to put on my “to schedule” list!
Now that we’ve talked about outsourcing, scheduling, and tackling the stressors on these lists, let’s talk about….
Do something every day that you LOVE
Now that we’ve talked about doing one thing every day that scares you, let’s talk about doing one thing every day that YOU LOVE. We need to fill our days, and the extra time we’ve created from not “shoulding all over ourselves”, with things that bring us joy and increase our positive frequency. So, grab that pen and paper again, and write down things that you love to do. For me, this was visiting my local coffee shop in the mornings, taking our dog for a walk, working out, taking my motorcycle out, reading, taking baths, etc. Even just looking at this list should bring you joy. You can also call this a “Things that bring me joy” list” if you’re a Marie Kondo lover.
Once you have this list, choose AT LEAST one thing every day that you do to bring you joy. As you’re doing the task, focus on being present, enjoying the gift you’re giving yourself, and embody the gratitude you have for being able to do this thing.
We need to ensure that we’re backfilling the time we’ve given ourselves with positivity. If you do these things, you will be well on your way to manifesting your best MF life.
I am so excited to hear about your lists and what stressors you were able to release yourself from. Once you’ve written out your lists, please share some of the things you’re going to tackle with me on IG! Tag me in a photo of your list, or comment on this podcast post on IG so I can see what you’re up to.
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